Sorry, Folks

Spoiler

To spoil this whole post, I’m sorry folks. I’m going to not be doing some things. I’m pretty sure you’ll forgive me. But if you want to understand, there’s this post¹.

Memories

Old social media photos from our 2016 trip to Europe cropped up in FB Memories, and I was shocked when I saw a photo Maggie took of me on the balcony. Ten years ago, and I was just about in the best shape I’d ever been in. Better than when I ran my first half marathon. Better than when I was lighter, and younger, because I had more cardiovascular endurance and strength.

Then I saw a photo from the year I was hired to teach. Still in OK shape. I’d gained a little weight for a while because of injuries that held me back from my exercise routines. Subsequently, I tried to re-train my body to stop expecting me to eat like I was running 30 miles a week. I lost a little weight over the summer of 2019, before I started teaching.

After that I was teaching. And some stressful stuff happened to the world. And I continued teaching. And growing.

Weight, Weight, Don’t Tell Me

Weight is not necessarily an indicator of health.

But it’s also not not an indicator, if you get me. Weight is a highly personal subject, so I’m only talking here about my own experience and situation. Weight can be a visible puzzle piece in one’s health picture². In my case, as a stress-eater, eating can be a kind of escape hatch. Not a healthy escape hatch, mind you. It turns out that I’m gaining more than 5 lbs every year that I’ve been teaching high school. On average. Consider that indicator a puzzle piece, but it’s also a puzzle piece with its own consequences. No bueno, says my physician.

Five pounds a year adds up. Over seven years, that’s 35 lbs. That’s no bueno.

Yeah, teaching has its own kind of stresses. This post isn’t about the stresses of being a teacher; it’s about my cycle of stress and an unhealthy escape hatch. Maybe it’s familiar to you.

I take on things because that’s how you learn, and I love learning. I don’t like to fail, but if you take on too many things you can fail just because you can’t complete the things you have said you’re going to do. That’s just the arithmetic of how time works. But then paralysis can set in. It’s not even necessary to have too many things to do for paralysis to happen, because being overwhelmed is a feeling that can just happen. Something triggers your brain, you feel overwhelmed, and the result can be that you freeze, afraid to look at any tasks, or do anything that might be the wrong thing. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense. It’s not rational. That’s feelings for you.

Get to the Point

I learned that eating can turn the trigger off when I’m overwhelmed. You eat, suddenly you have a little more focus, and then you can do more of the things you need to do because some of the paralysis goes away. But ten years later you’ve put on 50 lbs and your doctor has you on drugs just to keep you alive.

Or, you just can’t run as far dragging so much extra weight around. And you start moving less in general because it feels like a bigger deal just moving around.

I’m working on it. And part of how I’m working on it is I’m cutting way back on some things. I hate to do it; I know I’m missing out on experiences and learning things. Like, two years ago I agreed to mentor another teacher for two years. It was great. I’d like to do it again. But circumstances dumped a bunch of poorly-defined and impossible-to-complete tasks on me. I’m trying to deal with the paralysis without overeating. I think I’ll be successful; I do impossible things all the time. Not always well, but I do them. But it’s not fair to pile things on just so I can do more things less well. It would be nice to feel better while doing the things I do.

The point is, I’m sorry, folks, that I’m not doing the thing, whatever it is. It’s me trying to get on top of a health issue. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just not going everywhere.

AI Disclosure: The header image is AI-generated. The writing is all me. Google searches returned AI responses, anywhere I used Google.

1. I’m off doing my job and trying to get healthy and stay sane. So I’m a little scarce. See, I spoiled it again. ↩

2. If you suddenly lose a lot of weight, your doctor might ask you what’s changed in your behavior, because that is a measurable change, and he wants to know whether what he’s seeing has an explanation. Same thing for weight gain. It raises questions for the person concerned with your health. Casually, people may ask you questions as well, but that is not a professional interaction. And there are secondary effects of weight gain or loss. There are disorders that become more likely if you go too far in one direction or another. And there are psychological conditions worth being concerned about when a drastic change happens. Weight is not health, but there are many examples of it as a puzzle piece as well as being able to change your health outlook. ↩